a vivid and continuous dream

the debut of the moonwalk

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:25:20 GMT

I remember watching this live as a kid, when it first aired.

I was ten, and I was a Michael Jackson fan, like almost every other kid in America. I had "Thriller" on cassette, and a poster on my closet door. I realize this was due in part to my MTV addiction and suburban upbringing.

But this video still kinda gives me goosebumps (even more so now that I am pregnant and emotionally vulnerable), nostalgic goosebumps, for a time when this music was new and exciting and Michael Jackson still mostly resembled his original self.

The music of Jackson's first two solo albums with Quincy Jones has aged pretty well. Though I'd argue that "Off the Wall" is actually the superior record, and the one I would download if I wanted to spend money on music right now.

I don't have much else to say on the subject. I haven't been interested in Michael Jackson since I was about eleven years old, and more recently I've found him to be an objectionable human being at best. But I believe that when the dust settles, he will ultimately be remembered as a tragic figure, a worst-case scenario emerging from the deadly cocktail of horrific child abuse, stratospheric fame at an early age, untreated mental illness, and lots of money.

layer cake

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:20:42 GMT

+ A couple of days ago, I pulled the first carrot from our garden. It was about five inches long, pale orange, and delicious. My dad was over at the time, helping us out with our front porch staining/sealing project, and when I brought the carrot over, he said "let's eat it!", rinsed it off with the garden hose, and took a bite. I had a bite and said "now that's a carrot!" I am going to let the rest of them mature a few more weeks. Now I wish even more that I had sowed them in cycles. The next round won't be ready for two more months, boo. Oh well, live and learn.

+ Speaking of the garden, let us watch my tomato plants explode: May 2 | June 7 | June 28. We are going to need to supplement our puny tomato cages with scaffolding.

+ So I am now getting heartburn at night, regardless of what I've eaten for dinner. This is cured by sleeping in an upright position, like the elephant man. I go to bed propped up on three big pillows, with another under my knees. It's going ok... I can sleep that way. But maybe I should find some OTC medication for the heartburn. I know it's because my stomach is working at that time and being compressed by my uterus, and is throwing acid into my esophagus. Or something. Anyway, then I get up at 2am to pee and can pretty much lay on my side after that. It's a good thing I love this baby so much.

+ Her stroller & car seat will arrive tomorrow!

+ Last night was a night I have waited a year and a half for. We FINALLY got rid of our awful, ugly black kitchen sink and crappy faucet. I have hated that sink since we moved in. I actually dislike all of our black appliances, but the sink was the cheapest to replace and the one I hated the most. A black sink hides dirt and stains and filth, so you don't realize how gross it is until it's REALLY gross. A black sink is a big black hole in the countertop. A black sink camouflages black knife handles. It makes a room darker. Man I hated that goddamn thing. We went to Home Depot and replaced it with a beautiful, sleek, glorious Kohler white enameled cast iron sink. I am in love with it. It's not totally hooked up yet; Brian is going back to get new drain fixtures since the old ones are nasty and falling apart.

In the process of putting in the new sink, we realized that the kitchen windowsill ledge was interfering with the installation of the new faucet. It stuck out so far that it actually impeded the setting of the faucet into the sink. Well, we're homeowners now so, hey, let's just rip out that ugly window sill anyway. So, we did. In its place, I am going to install a pretty row of white ceramic tiles. Wheee!!!!!!

I think if we had the money I would replace EVERYTHING in that kitchen. Appliances, cupboards, counters, floors. Everything. Alas, we donut have that kind of cash. Someday though. Re-doing the kitchen is one of the best places to add value to a home, dontchaknow.

+ While riding in the car on the way home the other day, the baby kicked me so hard that I actually watched my shirt fabric pop up. Hee.

+ I made a carrot cake last weekend. Unfortunately it was not quickly consumed and I am depressed about the leftovers going to waste. Must plan better next time and do cupcakes. Though it was fun to try a layer cake. I took many helpful hints from Martha Stewart.

+ Three day weekend to-dos include: finish up install of sink, clean up kitchen mess. Maybe polish up old sink and see if anyone on craigslist will take it away, cheap. Work in the garden. Work on the future nursery a bit. Practice installing car seat base and removing/replacing car seat. Go to lovely Lynnwood and have lunch with mom, as well as visit Babies R Us to view some registry items in person (no we are not registered there, but Amazon doesn't have a physical store...). And hopefully do some grilling.

+ Finally, check out my adorable dog, blinking in the sun.

big deal

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:01:58 GMT

The dichotomy of pregnancy is that it is all at once extraordinary and ordinary. It's an awe-inspiring, incredible experience, which happens routinely to almost every female mammal. It is equal parts special and commonplace. It is what our bodies were designed to do, yet we still often have doubts and fears about labor and delivery that are unfounded.

She moves around inside me all the time. Tonight I looked down and pictured her tiny hands, her perfect miniature fingers, just a couple inches from the surface of my skin, restlessly poking away.

meows

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:57:47 GMT

I'm so exhausted. Have not been sleeping well, and part of it is due to certain fur-covered beasts generally taking over the bed as usual, wanting to cuddle and then lick their paws for two hours in the middle of the night, thus driving me insane. I already have to get up at least twice a night to pee, and it's not easy to get back to sleep. A couple nights ago I returned to bed to find that where I had been laying now had TWO cats in it, with six inches of space for me. I love my kitties, but I have fucking had it. I need my sleep, and when baby is born, there will be no animals in the bed, possibly even in the bedroom. They will all be confused and pissed off, but sorry, the first thing Simon is going to do is try to take over the co-sleeper because it's new and comfy. Nein!

Speaking of animals, on my lunch break today I went downtown to Specialty's to get a fancy peanut butter/apple/banana/cranberry sandwich. On Third Ave I spied this big boat of a car driving along, and saw that there was a small dog standing on the center area that separates the driver and passenger seats. Just standing there, inches from the dashboard, and I'm pretty sure it was eating something that had been dropped in front of it. Of course that is not even the worst I've observed; I once saw someone driving with their medium-sized dog in their lap. Illegal for children, but I guess dogs don't become projectiles in collisions, right? We keep Kona in the back seat when she is in the car, still not the safest option of course, but she is never allowed in the front seat. And she has developed pretty good balance for those occasions when sudden braking occurs. She loves riding in the car.

scattered

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:40:01 GMT

+ It's no fun to throw up in the shower, but it does make cleanup easy, especially if it's only a few spoonfuls of yogurt. You're welcome.

+ Recently discovered that my first big serious grade school crush object? Gay. Heh. So, that explains a lot.

+ My sister-in-law Dee finally had her baby yesterday, after a long two weeks of overdue-ness. I feel terrible that it came down to a goddamn c-section. Like me, she really did not want to go that route. But babies past term just get bigger and bigger as the days and weeks drag on. If he'd arrived at an ideal gestational time, he would have weighed a couple pounds less, not to mention avoided a few other complications. Sigh. But hey! He's born and healthy and everyone's fine and I really, really hope she can breastfeed him today.

+ Last night was lovely no-tv night, spent in the future nursery attempting to give myself a pedicure. Holy cow what an ordeal. But in the end it doesn't look too bad. I picked a super-dark purple by Chanel, which should last for a few weeks before I haul myself to a salon to have a nice pedicure.

+ Looks like we'll be selling our sectional sofa on Thursday, via craigslist. Then the new one is delivered Friday. Or, it better be, or there is going to be a PROBLEM. We ordered that goddamn thing March 15.

bouncy

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:08:37 GMT

BabyBjorn Babysitter Balance

vs.

Some tacky Fisher-Price mess

There really is no contest.

Also, I am loving this infant car seat

BABY THINGS!

Gave myself a pedicure tonight and it was really, really hard. Will need to see a pro from now on I guess. Booo.

konaversary

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:39:00 GMT

Incredibly, our little Kona-bear has been with us for one year. We feel so lucky to have such a sweet, happy, loyal, smart, awesome doggie. Took her on a fun after dinner walk tonight, followed by a little backyard fetch.

One year ago

A couple weeks ago

diamonds

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 06:04:58 GMT

My new favorite nail polish is Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Nail Color in "Diamonds." I got it for $5 at Walgreens. It's basically a clear polish that contains a lot of very fine-milled silver glitter. I put one coat on, and then a layer of MAC clear top coat over that. For me it's just the perfect sparkly transparent neutral for my ever-growing fingernails. I love it so... even more than some very expensive Chanel polish I purchased last year.

Excited for tomorrow in the garden. And OMG our tomato plants are out of control. Tall, sturdy, bushy, green, flowering. They never even got this big by the END of last summer. I think I have learned a lot since my first experiment with tomato plants. And this June has been HOT -- last June was cold.

22 weeks

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:13:49 GMT

Can't say the 3-D one isn't a bit creepy... she's so small and blind and much like a newborn kitten at this point. But she does seem to have Brian's nose. I think that giant skull thing is distorted, it looks much more spherical in the regular u/s view.

quack

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:34:21 GMT

Two of Kona's raddest tricks:

1. Kona and I are chillin on the couch. I make a "quack quack" sound like a duck. Kona perks up, jumps down, and goes to retrieve her duck doll, brings it to me. Good girl.

2. Kona is hanging out with me in my office. I look at her and say, "Where's daddy? Go find daddy!!" She gets all excited and runs around looking for Brian until she finds him. Sometimes when we do this Brian hides in the bedroom and she has to find him. It's cute.

Another two things:

Do you like: crib in espresso, or crib in white + espresso? The nursery has pale blue walls with white wood trim and white wainscoting that goes halfway up the wall. I mostly love this crib because unlike most others, it is low to the ground making it easy for short moms to place their babies inside without needing a drop side or step stool. Plus it converts into a toddler bed, then day/full bed.

Ok, going home now...

reading time

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 22:06:00 GMT

Last week I finished reading "The Yiddish Policeman's Union" by Michael Chabon. It seems like a lot of people who read this compared it to "Kavalier and Clay", which is a waste of time since K&C was a masterpiece. On its own merit, I thought YPU was a good read, though it did start slowly and at times it seemed to me like Chabon was showing off more than usual with his turns of phrase, and kinda cluttering up the story a little with fancy wordplay. But that's a minor complaint. I finished it on vacation, on my brother's warm back patio one morning while drinking coffee and listening to all the exotic east coast birds.

The book had a special resonance for me since my "novel" takes place in the same region of southeast Alaska. I bet most people who read it don't know Tlingit is pronounced "Clickit" for instance. True story!

At the other edge of the literary spectrum, I picked up another paperback in the airport at 5:30 am in Raleigh, NC as we embarked on our trip home. I wanted something dumb and easy for the flight, and BOY did I get it. "Chasing Harry Winston" is the third book by the "writer" who brought the world "The Devil Wears Prada", a book I did not read. The movie was okay, probably better than the book. This woman is a shitty writer, average at best.

It makes sense that the Harry Winston jewelry brand is right there in the title, since I have never in my life read a book with so many name brand mentions and product placements. In one passage, a character is described surfing the web (fascinating!!), and the author takes the time to pad the shit out of the page by spelling out each and every site she visits. First she went to MySpace.com! Then over to WebMD! Then she checked out gofugyourself.com! I am not kidding.

The story itself is ridiculous, of course. Cookie-cutter chick lit garbage. Appalling that she was paid money to churn it out. The "plot" centers around, naturally, three gorgeous, wealthy, successful New York women in their early 30s, and their search to nab equally gorgeous, more wealthy, more successful men. Everyone is very materialistic, self-obsessed, whiny, etc etc. The men are all charming and perfect. Not even a crooked tooth among any of them, surely, much less a (eeeeeek) blue collar job. One of the dudes is actually "a banker at Bear Stearns." LOL. I wonder how that worked out.

YET here I am finishing the book, probably today on my way home. It's the epitome of light reading; about as challenging as the comics page. And it reminds me with every clunky sentence and heavy-handed exposition: I could do better than this. I know it. My first drafts were better than this.

someday I'll be skinny again

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:46:20 GMT

The other night I despaired while attempting to try on various adorable pajamas and nightgowns that once fit me but now look like sausage casing on my body. My legs are enormous. Breastmilk, breastmilk, it's all future breastmilk!! And it's all for her. So, I'm okay with it.

Today I went to Pee in the Pond because ONCE AGAIN I needed a new bra. Ended up with extremely comfortable Spanx brassiere which fastens in the front and is size 38D. Also discovered a marvelous yet obvious invention called the bra back extender. Four dollars and now my prematurely purchased 34Ds won't go to waste.

Oh and I got this adorable and comfortable dress, too. Which naturally needs to be hemmed, but whatever, no rush. I really don't want to shop in any more maternity clothing stores, though. Going to stick with secondhand for the rest of the summer, during which I intend to wear dresses as much as possible especially if this insane heat continues.

My vegetable garden is loving it though. Tomato plants are radiantly green, pea vines are making their way up the lattice frame, radishes need to be picked and sowed again, carrots are bushy and green-topped. Not sure when to pick those. The only plants that seem unable to thrive are the sad cucumbers. Not sure why, they get water every day just like the others.

This morning I dreamed I was standing on the corner of Church and Duboce, crying. Because it was Church and Duboce, but it really wasn't. It was close... but not quite. Something was off. I gazed up the hill looking for the train tunnel, but it wasn't there. I knew what everything was supposed to look like, but it was all wrong. For some reason this made me cry.

back in the land of organic yogurt and curbside recycling

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:30:24 GMT

Six flights in about two weeks. Not bad for someone who dislikes flying as much as I do. The five-hour haul between Seattle and DC was the toughest -- my legs and back were uncomfortable throughout (it's not easy for short people, either, those of you with long legs), and the TV selections were piss-poor and on dim, distant screens. Virgin was by far the best (SEA - SFO), comfy seats and personal satellite TV, plus I ordered those GoPicnic lunchboxes. No one offered free food, not even for the x-country flight. Incredible, huh? So for our trip to the east coast, I came prepared with a huge sack of snacks: cherries, cheese, crackers, hard salami, pickles, dried apples, etc. United can basically suck it.

The trip to Myrtle Beach was great. Weather was hot each day, though humid. I am not used to the humidity though, so to me it was like a week in a relaxing sauna. I loved it. We went to the beach several times; powdery white sand, luminous warm water, plentiful shells, flocks of diving pelicans. Magical. I had real southern fried chicken and sweet tea (it was too sweet). Sis-in-law Alantra gave me a gratis hair trim in her chair at the salon where she works (cut Brian's poofy hair, too). Took a brief swim in a private pool. Got a little bit of a tan. Felt lots of kicking from the baby. Oh and went to the outlet mall and scored a very nice and deeply discounted Kate Spade diaper bag in pink and orange gingham canvas. It worked nicely as a beach bag, too.

The only crappy part of the trip was the ending -- we had to stay the night in Raleigh NC, 250 miles from Myrtle Beach, because our flight to DC the next morning was at 6:20am and that was the only feasible way to do it. So I got a room near the airport. Sadly, this hotel was hosting a "line dancing marathon" that evening. Marathon implies "all night" and sure enough, groups of drunk line dancers sauntered up and down the hall past our 6th floor room for hours on end past midnight, screaming, laughing, and talking as loudly as possible. We had to get up at 4:30 to get our shuttle. I was so pissed. I thought *everyone* knew that when walking around in a hotel late at night, you are to keep your voice to a whisper or not talk at all. I also thought southerners were known for their manners. Apparently NOT. Lesson learned: stick with small boutique hotels that don't have facilities for hosting giant obnoxious events.

Anyway.

diaper/beach bag

my brother's dog

Brian and my brother go boogie boarding

Brian getting hair cut

lifeguard

beach after heavy rainstorm

xx

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:25:55 GMT

Ultrasound yesterday. They were behind schedule so we had to wait for over a half hour for our turn. The couple two appts ahead of us brought their entire family into the ultrasound room. There must have been six or seven people in there. It's not a large room either. For some reason this struck me as ridiculous; I see it as a private thing for parents, not a show to entertain the relatives. You never know what you might see in there. Also having a big crowd present might oh I dunno, slow things down and cause the clinic to get behind schedule. ANYWAY.

The baby is a lot bigger than last time. It seemed harder to get a good picture of the whole because of her size, and because she of course moved around quite a lot. But the tech got all the pictures needed. She was a little concerned about the position of the placenta near my cervix, but it's still so early, the placenta will surely shift out of the way by October, if it does what it's programmed to do.

At one moment the baby yawned. That was really neat. :)

We spent some time at the end focusing on her pelvis, looking for the presence of "boy parts." The tech hadn't seen anything like that thus far and seemed pretty certain we were looking at a girl. I wanted to make as sure as possible. Finally grabbed a still shot showing my daughter's wee little privates, definitely not male in any way.

It's nice that we can say "she" now. Saying "it" all the time was starting to feel weird.

We went to Target afterward to get a couple things. Passed the "girl toys" aisle and I was, as ever, horrified by the proliferation of pepto-pink "princess" costumes, followed by a row of slutty Bratz dolls. I hope she won't turn out like that, if she's her mother's daughter. Her house will be full of books and music and animals and art supplies.

I think we will probably have one more ultrasound... not sure when. I think they will want to check on that placenta again, among other things. I'd like to keep them to a minimum though. I'm not one who needs to "take a peek" at every opportunity. There will be plenty of time for that, when I don't let this baby out of my sight for the first few weeks of her life.

so sleepy

Fri, 22 May 2009 05:04:28 GMT

I took a Benadryl tonight, advised by my doctor, to help with all the congestion I have in the mornings that contributes to my stupid gagging problem. And I am now fading fast. Listening to Giants game on interweb.

My ex was using the word "interweb" in 1998. I think he started that. Oh yeah.

Had my doctor appointment yesterday. She tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat and every time she found it the baby would move away from the device. It was feeling perky yesterday afternoon. Moving right now in fact!

I just checked S. Carolina weather for next week, whats up with this "scattered thunderstorms and 80 degrees" crap? What does that mean exactly? Is my beach vacation going to be ruined? It was like that for every single day we are there. Kinda heartbreaking. But maybe it means those hour-long storms they had in Hawaii. It's going to be humid, too, huh. Hmm. 80F and rain does not compute outside the tropics.

Giants 2, Padres 1, bottom of 9th, 2 on, 2 out.

Must stay awake for one more out. Full count.

I had a shower tonight then used belly butter on my bump. Mmmmm. Butter.

Ok bases loaded, 2 out, Eckstein is up. Giants are toast.

OMFG. Hit by pitch to tie the game. Retards. I am not staying up for this nonsense. Nigh night.

harvest

Tue, 19 May 2009 02:58:18 GMT

Planted these from teensy seeds six weeks ago.

week 19

Mon, 18 May 2009 21:42:26 GMT

Baby kicked me for a good solid hour this morning, just after I got to work. It needs its exercise, must continue developing wee muscles and joints. It's still so small that the kicks are just little bursting bubbles, and I don't know yet that someone else's hand could feel them.

Tonight I need to unpack and catch up on housework that was undone during my trip. It'll be another no TV night. One thing I truly loved about my stay at Rena and Derek's is that they do not own a television. So what to do? Conversation, reading, cooking, listening to music, and going out, of course. I found that I didn't miss it.

I'm eating my overpriced Whole Foods lunch -- sweet and sour tofu, coconut rice, random fruit and vegetables from salad bar. Mmmm. Need to start bringing lunch again this week, but a big grocery trip is needed first.

Speaking of food, the hot weekend brought more flowers to our garden, plus my French radishes are ready to pick! I ate one last night, it was so perfect. My cucumbers on the other hand, look wilted. Maybe dehydrated. Help.

I have a doctor appt tomorrow. I expect to be weighed again oh boy, possibly a belly measurement, and my fave of course, that happy little heartbeat sound.

Bay to Breakers

Mon, 18 May 2009 20:34:03 GMT

Sunday
Mia woke up at dawn and sang along with the fire engine passing somewhere outside.

As I ate my toast a couple hours later, we could already hear the choppers hovering outside. Rena and Derek live a block from the Bay to Breakers route, right at the top of the murderous hill that ascends Fell, where it then straightens out and heads into the park. I went to the nearby grocery with Derek to get some breakfast stuff and my airplane snacks. Exiting, we glanced over at Fell and knew the race was still just getting started since the passing crowd was actually *running*, and more or less uncostumed. It was already sweltering hot, felt like at least 75 degrees in the shade.

We had French-pressed iced coffee, mmmm, then Rena and I took the dog out to the panhandle to watch the spectacle. By this point the "racers" were mostly walking, many in costumes, and lots of naked men of course. And of course, 90% of these naked guys are people you really just do not want to see naked. Though I must say I don't feel particularly interested in penises not attached to a man that I am currently in love (or lust) with, so in all other cases they just look ridiculous. Sorry, guys.

The large beautiful building across from where we were watching is evidently a fancy retirement home, so it was funny/cute to see a few elderly folks sitting on the steps watching the race while the loud club music pumped from the nearby PA. We all walked over to the McKinley statue to get some shade. A cute blond toddler was up on the top step, hoping to climb the structure somehow. He kept looking at us with a look of consternation on his face.

Sadly, it was time to get back to the apartment and finish up packing for real so we could get to the airport. Of course had I known my flight would be delayed by an hour, then we could have taken our time and had more for lunch than orzo salad, but alas. The drive to SFO was very swift, avoiding almost all race traffic and road closures. I said farewell to my friends and went into the terminal, still holding my 3/4 full water bottle. I decided to down it before going through security, instead of pouring it out.

(This of course led to me using the airport bathrooms FOUR times before even boarding the plane.)

It was a swift and perfectly uneventful flight home. I ordered food off my little TV (needed protein pronto) and was presented with a GoPicnic box -- my friend Dave in Chicago works for this company and helps design their packaging. When we were last there he gave us like four of them for our drive to Michigan. It's like a happy meal for adults: cheese, crackers, salami, dried apricots, apple crisps, yum. I recommend them on short flights, they are so worth it if you're hungry and do NOT want junk food.

The only disappointment was the satellite channels not working, but I talked to my seatmates a bunch anyway. There were no clouds for the entire trip, so I got amazing views of Crater Lake and Mt St Helens. We even got a soft landing. And when I finally exited the plane, I only had to walk a short distance before I saw my darling husband waiting for me just outside the security perimeter. Plus he brought Kona with him, so when we got to the car, I jumped into the backseat with her and laughed as she jumped and licked my face and otherwise went bonkers.

Thanks to good timing, traffic karma, etc, we even made the next ferry back to Bainbridge. The Giants game was being broadcast on ESPN radio, my one last glimpse into San Francisco for the weekend. I watched the rest of the game on TV at home (they were victorious), and promptly fell asleep after that.

Iced coffee

Mon, 18 May 2009 20:06:54 GMT

Saturday
Before I even got up, Derek was offering me toast and jam. I think living with a pregnant wife, he understood that we have certain needs.

I sat on the sofa, nibbling at very good toast and looking out at the flourishing green yard just beyond the row of naked bay windows.

I saw bamboo, ferns, a stunted rhododendron with one purple bloom, and abundant wild flowers. When we went out there shortly thereafter, Rena showed me her lettuces, some herbs, a Japanese maple, and a row of peas climbing up the fence. Their full sun is limited to this part of the year, so they can only grow a few things. I liked the yard though -- I like gardens that look a little chaotic and wild, rather than rigidly arranged. Maybe that's why we don't weed our own garden more often.

Today's plan was to get some brunch, go to the Mission, then Rena was going to work at noon. It was already much warmer than it had been the day before. I packed a cardigan in my purse but didn't even need it. We walked to Duboce Park, then found out Chow on Church was open already. They have changed their hours. I wanted eggs. We got a good table on the patio immediately (early for brunch), and I got a one-egg Benedict with bacon instead of ham. Oh it was so good. Plus potatoes, greens, a small OJ, and a coffee. I was refueled. Rena got pork chorizo scramble, I think, with black beans. It looked awesome.

Last week Rena saw a wrap coat at Thrift Town -- something that could be worn on a big pregnant belly. She didn't buy it though, so wanted to go back in the hopes it would still be there. So we took the wretched 22 bus to 16th and Mission, my Least Favorite Intersection in San Francisco and Possibly the United States. It hasn't changed at all, it's still pretty much a garbage dump. The first thing I saw was some woman pushing a stroller containing a completely unshaded baby in full blinding sunshine, who was completely naked except for its diaper. Yeah. Who needs sunscreen, not a baby!

ANYWAY the coat was gone :( Drat. We picked our way up 18th Street, passing the absurd crowd in front of Tartine, stopping happily at Dolores Park Cafe, where Rena got an iced coffee. I had a bottled water. We sat at an outside table and watched the people walk by with their many dogs and children. The weather was fantastic. I could have just sat there for hours. I love that cafe verily.

By this point it was time for Rena to go open her shop. Please buy lots of things there. Inside the store was still nice and cool. I had to pee, as usual, then my old pal Ert showed up :D and I went off with her to relax at her apartment on Valencia for a while, then walk to Four Barrel for an iced coffee of my very own.

I wanted ice cream, so we went to the Indian place up the road. We got waffle cones and sat in a window seat trying not to drip all over everything. After that, the next thing I wanted was a manicure dammit, I'm on vacation. Ert wanted one too, why not, and furthermore, didn't want to take Muni to Cole Valley, so we were getting a goddamn cab. Yeah!! Air conditioned! Soon we were back at Carl and Cole, another of my old favorite spots, making an appointment at Lavande for thirty minutes hence.

I decided on a French mani because my hand is never steady enough to do them myself. Ert chose a deep blue OPI polish which looked awesome, and was perfect because she was going out that night and why not do it up with a fresh manicure? We were pleased as punch. We hopped the N back through the tunnel (by hopped I mean "did not pay", tee hee), and I experienced my first episode of someone giving up a seat for me because I am so damn preggo. And I took the seat, because my legs were already starting to hurt.

I said farewell to Ert at Dolores and Market, and went back to Rare Device to hang out with Rena for a while. Her shop is so rad. I bought a necklace, whee. By 5:00 my legs were now killing me, and I figured I'd take Muni back up to her apartment and relax. I got about one block and felt like I could barely walk. Where to sit down? I landed at Hollywood Laundrymat, where I read trashy magazines for a half hour and blended in. Just the ticket.

Back at their place on Oak, I decided a shower was definitely in order. It helped a lot. Soon after, Rena got back home and we started kind of making dinner. I felt really lazy, though. Or exhausted? Derek made a salad from garden greens, and some wild rice pilaf. While waiting for dinner, Rena and I shared a gigantic Bubby's dill pickle. It was so awesome in its spicy saltiness. The final course of the evening ended up being deviled eggs at 10pm.

As we ate and lounged around, the main topic of conversation was baby names, both serious and not-so-serious. We shared our lists, which have a couple names in common. It was a really nice evening, to end a wonderful day.

donuts at Four Barrel

Next: Sunday.

The City

Mon, 18 May 2009 19:23:22 GMT

Friday
I woke up and was not sick.

Dove-gray light came through the sheer drapes into my hotel room. I stacked up the pillows and ate my Luna bar while watching inane morning TV. It's crucial that I eat first thing. Even when I do this at home, I have still been sick a couple of times, but I swear it has everything to do with having to rise an a ridiculous hour. In this case, it was nearly 8am, the perfect time to get up according to my pregnant body.

Showered and dressed and packed up my suitcase, and checked out by 9:30. But I left my suitcase in the hotel so I could wander about in search of breakfast. I stepped out into the bright, slanted sunshine, and walked right down Post, pointed to the Peet's on Battery and Bush. It has been about a year and a half since my last visit, but my memory doesn't seem to have lost anything. I was suddenly overcome by nostalgia. The light washing over the familiar buildings, the cool air, the abundance of people who had actually dressed nicely for work. Seattle looks like a sea of casual outdoors-wear and bland black pantsuits next to the stylish workers of downtown SF.

I ordered an iced latte at Peet's, then took it across the street to Noah's, where I got a toasted cinnamon bagel with cream cheese on the side. I finished it all sitting at a window seat, people watching and thinking to myself, why did I leave this paradise? I know the reason will come to me soon, I thought. But in this moment, I was overcome with years of memories in sharp focus, of walking to the Ferry Building on my lunch break, meeting up with my husband for coffee in the shadow of the ballpark. All the little daily things I took for granted, I guess.

At eleven, I fetched my suitcase and walked back to Market, passing through sunbathed Union Square on the way, looking at starry-eyed tourists admiring the ornate facade of the Macy's building. I hopped on a 71 bus, along with pushy old Chinese ladies that I remember so well, and traveled west at a high rate of speed, lurching up Haight and bracing myself hard at every sudden stop sign. Very soon I was at the panhandle, and my friend Rena's apartment on Oak.

She is pregnant also, six weeks behind me, and still in that must-eat-at-all-times phase, so after a brief rest, we walked up to Haight for more food at Squat and Gobble. She got this awesome pasta dish, which I immediately coveted, while I decided on healthy granola in milk with fruit. But I got bites of her pasta. Mmmm, shrimps.

My town in WA is lacking in many things. One of them is a place to buy cheap yet fashionable clothing. So Crossroads was definitely on my list. I found a cute flowy top and halter dress, each with original tags attached, each around $10. I think they both came from Forever 21 at one time. Rena found an adorable printed sun dress and a pair of black glittery flats. Yay!

The next item on our agenda was driving to the south bay to visit our also pregnant (!) pal Tamara, who is eight months along and was put on temporary bedrest due to contractions. Originally we had all hoped to get together in the city, but as she is housebound, that was obviously out. When we got to her house, we were greeted by hugs and a spread of colorful French macaroons and hot tea. Tamara is a natural at entertaining, even when weeks from giving birth.

We chatted, exchanged gifts, admired her nursery, and hung out in the backyard, where it was pleasantly hot. By the time we left it was about six pm. As Rena and I sped back up 280, my phone rang -- it was Tamara telling me I'd left my camera at her house. This even after I had said to myself, "Jane do not forget your camera." I guess just the reminder was not enough. Oh, pregnancy brain. Sigh. It was too late to turn around. She said she would mail it to me, and Rena offered to loan me her little Powershot for the remainder of my stay.

Once back in SF, the three of us (Rena's husband Derek of course) walked a short ways away for some Ethiopian food on Divisadero. The fog was coming in again and it was cold, but we were promised a hot Saturday and Sunday. After dinner we went back to the apartment and hung out with the awesome doggie, Mia. She knows many tricks, and will also sing when she hears a siren going by outside. A very lovely dog, who kind of reminds me a little of Kona.

Next: Saturday.

The last time I will travel alone for many years

Mon, 18 May 2009 18:50:16 GMT

Thursday
Left work at two o'clock to take speedy shuttle van to the airport.

My plane was a little late, but they pad the estimated travel times so overall I ended up getting to San Francisco on time. I was seated next to the only infant on the flight, a 10-month-old redhead named Zoe. She smiled and vocalized constantly, never fussed or cried, and was generally a perfect little baby throughout. My baby moved around a little bit during the flight. I mostly just watched the TV on the back of the seat ahead of mine (the google map is great fun), talked to Zoe's mother, and snacked on garlic pumpkin seeds.

Landed smoothly and made my way to BART. Naturally, there was a non-moving line full of confused tourists trying to buy tickets from the same inscrutable or broken machines I remember from my last time here. Guy in front of me took almost five fucking minutes to buy his ticket. I think I had mine in hand within about 45 seconds.

Rode the train north to downtown. In Daly City, the ground became suddenly carpeted with a layer of fog so dense and dark that the cars on the street below all turned their headlights on. I began to wonder if I ought to have brought my coat after all, instead of just a thin hoodie. Hmm. But, upon reaching Powell and stepping off the escalator, I saw that San Francisco's sky was still blue. But a sharp wind was blowing. I turned west and saw what I expected to see -- gray fingers of fog climbing over the hills.

I pulled my little suitcase up Powell to my hotel, suddenly a tourist in "my" town. I checked in and went to my tiny but cute room, noting its high ceiling, green walls, framed botanical prints, and four fat white pillows laid across the top of the bed. My tall windows had a view of an adjacent concrete wall, which is a good thing; it means a quiet and dark night's sleep. I don't need a view out of my hotel room unless I am twelve stories up or something.

I needed dinner. I looked at the room service menu. Expensive, and not what I really wanted. Plus I needed a bottle of water and snacks for waking up. So I put on my hoodie and trusty messenger bag, and walked back down Powell. The streets were crowded, it was 8:30. I knew everything would still be open. SF, you are a real city, I am sorry for what I said about you before.

Ended up at the Westfield food court -- I could get something quick and not terrible. Kind of craved a Beard Papa cream puff, but was good and got a roast beef sandwich and fries. Didn't finish the fries. Grabbed a liter of water and an apple at the Bristol Farms grocery, then back out to Market Street and its wailing sirens and beggars and odors. I decided to get back to my room as fast as I could. Tired.

Upon arrival, I did something I've been missing for a very very long while: I watched the Giants game. They were playing here in the city. I removed my socks and shoes and lay diagonally across the queen bed, stared up at the ceiling fan, and felt the baby turning inside me.

(photo I found online of a room identical to mine)

Next: Friday.

it's raining a little bit in Seattle

Wed, 13 May 2009 22:15:52 GMT

I redesigned my LJ yet again. Finally figured out how to really tweak their CSS and override with my own styles. !important! Hee. Anyway I'm pleased with the colorway. For now.

This weekend in SF: 80 degrees. AW YEAH. Packing sandals tonight. Rena just suggested here for breakfast on Friday. Oh my gosh those beignets.

Finally purchased a sleeping bra. I wish my boobs would stay this awesome post-partum. Seriously I was checking them out this morning and they are just right. Must give them constant support, so they don't start collapsing under their own weight.

Baby tosses and turns a few times a day. I feel it on the low end, just above my pubic bone and below my navel. It's getting firm there, when I touch it I know I am really touching right where my uterus is resting. And expanding. Whee!

Really busy tonight. I need to pack because I am leaving from work tomorrow. Plus we are having dad over for dinner. So we'll need to have the kitchen cleaned up and dinner started, then I'll need to find some time to pack my suitcase before bedtime at 10. This is why I make lists. If I didn't I would forget my phone charger or my glasses or something.

things I say out loud to my belly

Sat, 09 May 2009 05:19:03 GMT

After running to catch the bus: "Sorry about that."

On the way to get lunch, totally starving: "Don't worry, we're going to get some food *right* now."

Tonight on the couch, while feeling the most kicking I've felt thus far: "Wow, you liked that brownie, didn't you?"

It's so strange... a squirming feeling, a little bird in my belly, a quivering. Quickening.

Fri, 08 May 2009 19:52:36 GMT

+ I made a list of to-dos for this weekend that's 20 items long. I am compelled to be extra-productive these days. Maybe because my energy levels are highest at midday and afternoon, when I would normally be at work, sitting here. In the evening I'm just tired. Wednesday night I was ready for bed at, I shit you not, about 8:45. I hung on until 9:30.

+ This morning on the way to the park and ride I lamented to Brian that it wasn't so very long ago that I was the kind of person who could open my eyes when the alarm went off in the morning, jump right out of bed and get started with my day. Since becoming pregnant however, I must lay in bed, slowly chewing on something, taking little breaks to lie down again, until almost 30 minutes later, I feel it's safe to stand up without the threat of barfing. I just have to be very careful with my delicate constitution. Brian has been good about bringing me something after he feeds the animals, either a yogurt, or part of a muffin, or a small bowl of cereal.

+ Lunch today: egg salad on foccacia with arugula and cucumbers. Oh so messy and good.

+ My dad gets back into town Monday after being gone since September. I'm going to have to be all hardline about the smoking around me, but other than that I'm really excited to see him!

garden

Sun, 03 May 2009 04:52:27 GMT

A couple of photos from today... click on them to enlarge to full size.