So I've been thinking about starting a new website called #FFFFFF. It would be all about how Americans are super-crazy about race (their #2 imaginary thing to get upset about, right after religion). Kind of like Stuff White People Like, but instead of "ha ha here is a funny list of things that a theoretical East Coast NPR listener/knowledge professional/white person probably enjoys", it would be "ha ha here are some news items about how much white people like racism". There would probably be other ism, like sex-, national-, tribal-, class-, and so forth sprinkled in to keep things interesting, and then there would be a special message board for people to complain about how this would be totally unfair if we lived in a fantasy world where all races were equal, or mention that other races are even more worser, or to point out to my great shock that I myself am white. And then everybody would have a party.

I even wrote this theme song:

It's the hot new race that's going 'round
They're coming to and subsequently buying your town
Ooh, white people

They like to document everything they do
Package it up and sell it to you
Oooh, white people

White people! (x3)

They don't believe in racial hate
It's just that white people are really great
Ooh, white people

So all you coloreds, watch and learn
Everything they've got, they totally earned
Ooh, white people

White people! (x3)

If someone could write that up and set it to a burbling electro-rocker tune somewhere between Total Coelo and Freezepop, that would be great. Also if you could sing the lyrics in a comically exaggerated Japanese accent, that would make it more racist, and therefore better, thanks a lot.

There is absolutely no way this is not a terrible idea, so I'm sure you'll all be behind me. Way, way behind me.

Here's a cheerful headline: HURRICANE KATRINA SURVIVOR WINS $97m IN LOTTERY.

Except, of course, when you read the article, it turns out that the guy is a white Hurricane Katrina survivor. A rich white Hurricane Katrina survivor, who owns a construction company in the suburbs. And while he did lose his house to the storm -- in fact, he lost two houses to the storm -- it was not that big a deal, because he owned three houses. Oh, and also, this was the second time he'd won the lottery.

Reacting to the news, several thousand black people who became homeless after the disaster said, "Oh, fuckin' COME ON, already."

I only noticed because the change is not uniform here, but eleventy jillion years ago, a hue and cry went up in the California legal community over the use of the term "Chinese Wall" to describe the securing systems required and used by law firms to screen off personnel from matters they had conflicts with. That way, big firms can continue to represent ABC and XYZ companies in actions simultaneously, even if ABC and XYZ have a lawsuit going between them elsewhere. Anyway, the point is, some Asian group protested (and a couple of judges concurred) that this Chinese Wall term perpetuated the stereotype that Asians were opaque, mysterious and "other." I was kind of eyerolly about this, because (a) I didn't understand what the terms opaque, mysterious and "other" had to do with putting locks and labels on file drawers and (b) I seemed to recollect that there's a heaping great wall in China of some small fame. Apparently, even this interpretation of the phrase was too incendiary. From a 1988 court case:

Aside from this discriminatory flavor, the term "Chinese Wall" is being used to describe a barrier of silence and secrecy. The barrier itself may work to further the cause of ethics in litigation; but the term ascribed to that barrier will necessarily be associated with constraints on the freedom of open communication. To employ in this context the image of the Great Wall of China, one of the magnificent wonders of the world and a structure of great beauty, is particularly inappropriate.

It actuallly goes on from there to say the term is not only offensive but inaccurate since conflicts barriers are two ways and the Great Wall of China was constructed as a one-way barrier. I shit you not.

So the phrase was changed to the marvelous "Ethical Wall." We now construct virtual and actual Ethical Walls to mark out conflicts at the law factory. In California.

Anyway, it turns out the origin of the phrase is architectural and means the screen walls temporarily erected to mark out real walls.

And this, my children, is what we originally used the term "PC" for. And it meant "precious clowns."

In unrelated news, I made myself a fabulous Ethical Chicken Salad for dinner.

I caught up on all of my stories last night.

I powered through 3 eps of Ultimate Fighter 7 in no time at all by ffwd'ing the endless fight recaps. I am really disappointed in the lack of hilarious Forrest-isms this season. Rampage doing Janet Jackson dance moves was decent. Prison tattoos Mike Brown is my pick to win the whole fucking thing.

Other than my spazz boyfriend Andrew, Dale and Antonia are my Top Chef faves. I pick the latter 2 and that fauxhawk tapeworm in pink Crocs, Richard, for the final 3. I hate Lisa so much - I want to dump tea tree oil all over her greasy hair, nasty face, and vile eyebrow piercing. Dale is right about her; negative energy! Are some of the vaguely classist comments and undertones this season bugging anyone else? With both the kids and the block party challenges, there have been these vague mentions of "the masses" that irritate me. As I have said before, the sfgate TC recaps rock: "Oh, and Lisa tells us that her girlfriend has a kid with a knife fetish, so if she didn't make you wildly uncomfortable before, welcome to my world."

lolz at the mustached Teamsters with their baseball bats on 30 Rock. "It's in their contract."

This book sounds great



1. Remove toxic products from your home and garage
2. Clean, declutter, clear and organize your home
3. Buy/use environmentally friendly products
4. Learn how to place objects to manifest change in your life

We are well on our way.

Tags: green, homeownership

Okay, you know that phenomenon, which is described in a perfectly simple, straightforward, everyday, common English word like "bread" or "chair," that describes the bonding behavior of newborn animals, ostensibly to their mothers, but theoretically to whatever large object they encounter upon opening their eyes for the first time?

Like, if you put a toaster in the basket with the motherless baby kittens, they would think the toaster was their mommy? And they would .... ________ with it? Or like in that episode of TNG where the space creature was like, sticking to the side of the ship like glue and everyone was all like, OMG, WTF, space creature! What is it doing? What does it want??!? Why can't we shake it and it turned out that it was actually a newborn baby space creature that had become separated from it's mother and _____ed with the Enterprise?

What the hell is that word? HELP MEEEEE!!!!

PS: It's not a crazy science word! It's an ordinary word that you would in numerous other contexts all the time.

from this article:

Mr. Obama or Mrs. Clinton. Mr. Begala, a Clinton supporter, said the party could not win in November with just “eggheads and African-Americans,”

I guess, first of all, those things a mutually exclusive, huh?

But to rehash something Jon Stewart said, what's the fucking problem with having the egghead elitists choose a leader? It's not like they can do any worse.

a.) My ipod

b.) My cell phone

c.) To brush my teeth

d.) my planner

Tags: house

OK I am going to try to write the privilege post again, but not today. I still feel like ass and my glands *hurt* and my throat *hurts* and I am seeing my doctor tomorrow.  Wahhhhmbulance!

I nevertheless have continued (in fits and starts!) on Project Laundry and it's almost done, except I still haven't gone through my clothes, or done anything to --- I mean everything is clean but I can't put my clothes away, I have no more room.  It's pretty sad.

Also sad: I can't give a landscaper instructions on how to get here because I don't know the names of streets in the immediate vicinity. It's like I'm an idiot savant, for real. I know how to get here, you take a right at that light on the big street by the farm, and then the right at the top of the hill and then the third right after that, or maybe fourth? where the huge cherry tree is. What STREETS those are? No clue. I have to have TDO write it down for me or something so I can tell people how to get here in the future because not knowing is WEAK.

This is what I mean by a space cadet. And yet I can reliably name almost any movie based on 1-5 seconds of footage while surfing the cable. THE STREET down the block? Can't name it.