The other night I despaired while attempting to try on various adorable pajamas and nightgowns that once fit me but now look like sausage casing on my body. My legs are enormous. Breastmilk, breastmilk, it's all future breastmilk!! And it's all for her. So, I'm okay with it.

Today I went to Pee in the Pond because ONCE AGAIN I needed a new bra. Ended up with extremely comfortable Spanx brassiere which fastens in the front and is size 38D. Also discovered a marvelous yet obvious invention called the bra back extender. Four dollars and now my prematurely purchased 34Ds won't go to waste.

Oh and I got this adorable and comfortable dress, too. Which naturally needs to be hemmed, but whatever, no rush. I really don't want to shop in any more maternity clothing stores, though. Going to stick with secondhand for the rest of the summer, during which I intend to wear dresses as much as possible especially if this insane heat continues.

My vegetable garden is loving it though. Tomato plants are radiantly green, pea vines are making their way up the lattice frame, radishes need to be picked and sowed again, carrots are bushy and green-topped. Not sure when to pick those. The only plants that seem unable to thrive are the sad cucumbers. Not sure why, they get water every day just like the others.

This morning I dreamed I was standing on the corner of Church and Duboce, crying. Because it was Church and Duboce, but it really wasn't. It was close... but not quite. Something was off. I gazed up the hill looking for the train tunnel, but it wasn't there. I knew what everything was supposed to look like, but it was all wrong. For some reason this made me cry.

I had a dream this morning that I went into this "maternity room" where a bunch of other pregnant women were sitting. When I walked in, one said, "are you pregnant?" I said yes, then she said, "no you're not!" "Yes I am, I am fifteen weeks pregnant," I replied. "Do you want me to take a test?"

Something about not showing yet, surely.

Later on we were brought a few large submarine sandwiches. I chose egg salad and covered mine with pickles. OMG.

+ I was visiting my dad and wanted to take a shower, but they had walled up all the tubs so they couldn't be used. I kind of threw a shit fit (pregnant)

+ I was in a meeting at work but didn't have to be there so I left and got into an elevator (common dream theme with me), which proceeded to malfunction. I heard a noise and couldn't see where it came from, until I looked down and saw a little boy standing there. "That was me," he said. The elevator popped out of the top of the building, like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then it dumped me out onto the ground. I ran and leaped off the building -- naturally, I could fly. So I flew over the ocean for a while. This part was fun except I felt like I kept losing altitude and my feet were hitting the water.

+ I was riding bikes with Brian. Don't know where we were.

+ [censored] (pregnant)

There's lots more but I can't remember now. The combination of pregnancy and clocks resetting caused some crazy shit in my mind this morning.

I had a dream last night that I was in a basement and looking across the dimness at several gigantic, kitten-sized spiders sitting in their webs. I am not as scared of spiders as I used to be, but in my dreams they always tend to be monstrous. These ones were yellow, and fast. Of course one of them came running toward me.

I decided we had to move, so I found a seventh-floor apartment in Olympia that rented for $1100. I took a tour of the place, it was very large inside and spider-less, but awkwardly laid-out, and dark. I dunno. It's hard to remember now.

I woke up and had strange abdominal cramps. I had to pee a lot. There's something going on in there alright. A special construction project. I feel like my tummy is unsettled, but not yet to the point of nausea. Soon it will be bathed in hormones. I sipped a little coffee this morning and it tasted gross. Maybe it was just a bad pot.

On my way off the ferry today I was walking behind this large, masculine woman who was holding an unlit cigarette in her right hand. She swung it back and forth as she walked, in huge exaggerated motions, like a member of the Red Army. It was pretty annoying.

I have tomorrow off, hooray. I am going to attempt to sleep in. We'll see how that goes; Kona loves to lick my hand when I am in bed and she is awake. Then she whines and wags her butt. This morning she carried her cry-bone all over the house for a while.

Kona's cry-bone is her rawhide chew. She loves that thing. But for some reason when it's between her jaws and she is carrying it around with her, she whines tragically. Thus its name. It's hilarious but inscrutable. She doesn't do this with any of her other toys. Funny dog.

I had a dream this morning just before I got up. I was at the bottom of this huge ravine, turning to find the best way to climb out. All sides were grassy, sandy hills, covered in trees and brush. I found a path and started climbing.

Halfway up, I heard some noises, like small animals. Then I saw these creatures that looked like fox kittens, but to my mind they were coyote cubs. I looked up and saw a large coyote flashing through the grass at the top of the hill. Then it was running down the trail. I could hear it panting with its stride.

It stopped in front of me. I began to reason with her, telling her that her cubs were fine, and I was just walking through. Then my vision grew strange, and the coyote became so well-camouflaged in the sand and grass that I couldn't really see her face, even though she was right in front of me.

Then another one showed up. I knew they were going to attack me, but in a moment of lucidity, I woke myself up. I fell back asleep a moment later and was in the same dream again. That rarely if ever happens. I was still standing on the hill with this coyote. I picked up a handful of dirt and threw it in her eyes. I did it again. I woke up again.

I know I had this dream because the neighbor dog attacked Kona last night on our street, and chased her to our front door, where Brian appeared and protected our puppy.

I was walking her and had gotten about 100 feet when I turned and saw this dog's head poking out from their gate. The gate had been left open, with an aggressive, unsocialized dog behind it. "Oh SHIT," I said. I knew about this bad dog, who barks whenever Kona walks by. Some kind of mastiff mix or something. Anyway, he saw Kona and charged directly toward us. I sort of ran across the road, didn't matter, he came right up to us and jumped on her. I screamed NO at the top of my lungs about a dozen times, lost control of Kona's leash, and watched her gallop back to our door, crying, as this fucking beast chased her. Fortunately I was so loud that Brian came out of the house so Kona could run inside, and the dog's owners came out of their house and called him back.

Kona was very shaken up for a few minutes, but she wasn't hurt. The dog's owner, the wife, came over and apologized, of course saying that their dog "just wanted to play". Right. I'm sorry but that was not playing, that was aggressive dominance and their dog has no manners. His tail was not wagging, he was not friendly. Our next door neighbor came over to see if Kona was okay, too. He agreed that their dog is aggressive and mean. Ugh.

Later on in the evening the primary owner of the bad dog came over to apologize. He was extremely drunk and creeped me out a little. I decided privately I'd rather stay away from these people than attempt to introduce our dogs properly and get them to be friends. They can just keep the fucking gate latched from now on.

I had a dream that I was in a shopping mall, at a tacky lingerie store. The store was pretty crowded. I looked at a few things but didn't like any of it, too cheap and ugly, like victoria's secret, and decided to leave.

I walked a few steps out the door and was stopped by an employee of the store. She demanded to see the contents of my purse. I knew I hadn't taken anything, so I opened it up. She rifled through, no underwear in there. Then she wanted me to empty my pockets. Nothing in there either. She had been joined by two security guards.

She said something about how she was sure I had stolen. But I couldn't hear or understand what she said so I kept asking her to repeat. Then I said, "sorry, I can't hear very well."

She took my purse behind a counter to look some more. When she came back, I opened it and said to her, "good, my wallet is still here." Then I walked away.

Out in the parking lot, it was cold and raining. I had a hard time controlling my car on the slick hills (yes, a parking lot with lots of hills). I finally got to the street. I don't remember much beyond that. There was one point when I was in a movie theatre with a bunch of people, watching some bad movie, and had a remote control that allowed me to change the channel.

Here's a fun writing exercise: create a livejournal or other blog for a fictional character, and write a journal in that person's voice. I decided to do that today and just see where it takes me. I know a lot of people on LJ have "side" journals that are anonymous where they are more free to be big ol exhibitionists/perverts (heh). And that there are also numerous fictional journals too -- people playing a character. I look at it as a writing exercise though. I'm not going to publicize it, but if someone stumbles upon it, hopefully they will also stumble upon the fine print disclaimer.

I had vivid dreams this morning. In one, I got out of bed, and was fully aware that I was dreaming. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the back door, which was covered with plywood. Again, totally lucid, which made me realize the control I had, that I could bring whatever I wanted to life. I opened the door and decided there would be horses outside. But then I woke up goddammit.

I dreamed that I was riding in a car on a twisty, climbing road. There were trees on both sides. I was lost, and my friend and I looked for a road sign. Finally I saw one, it read "FELL". I figured if we went that way, we would eventually get back downtown.

We turned and followed Fell, but the road narrowed and suddenly we found ourselves turning the car into a deserted parking garage. The road had ended. I cursed and got out. I walked over some rocks and was surrounded by groups of people, kids and parents, all heading toward the viewing area for a waterfall. I could see the water splashing down over a huge flat rock, high up on a mountain. It was twilight, and very dim.

I was searching for Alex. I told my friend I had to find him before it got dark. I couldn't call out to him; he is deaf and wouldn't be able to hear me. I threaded through the crowd, searching for an unrecognizable face. I figured I would know him when I saw him. But I never did, and then I woke up.

Woke up at 4:44 in the morning because the bed was shaking. I listened, frozen, and could hear objects in the room rattling. I was not awake enough to think about what to do, only waited for it to stop, and it did. I went back to sleep thinking about how Seattle has had a bigger earthquake while I've lived in CA than I have ever felt here.

Then I dreamed about the boy from my book again. In this dream he was nineteen, with a mop of thick black hair on his head. He was not wearing a shirt (thank you, subconscious) and I was examining the tattoos that covered his skin. They were all very fine and delicate and pale blue lines, like tiny street maps on his chest. I called him by his first name, and then I left. I was late to something. Then I was with Brian, walking down some street, he was holding a child, but I don't think it was ours. I don't know where we were. The whole thing is slipping away faster than I can write it.

+ when we were in Gladwin, where Brian's mom lives, we briefly drove behind a pickup truck whose back window was completely covered by a piece of artwork depicting the old New York City skyline sitting in front of a massive American flag. Yes I took a picture.

+ This weekend I set foot inside a Wal-Mart store for the first time in twelve years. But I only stayed for about a minute and a half.

+ Last night I dreamed about a fictional character of my creation. It was very odd. We were sitting together on the grass, and he leaned against me and asked me what I was doing. I said that I was watching the ocean, and the swans. Sure enough, the waves in the distance were filled with big white swans. I couldn't see his face. I put my arm around him.

+ Here in Chicago it is hot. I washed my hair then went to get iced coffee. My hair is already almost dry. I'm going to put on sunblock before we leave. The funniest thing about this is that it's supposed to rain today, while remaining eighty degrees. I hope the game isn't rained out. Even if it is I will still get a chance to walk around the ballpark.

+ And now we are off to the El.