I hate that I can't run. So much so that I wonder if, as soon as my body has recovered from childbirth, I will start running for exercise, simply because I can. Of course by then it will be December. But that won't deter me. I'll leave baby with Brian for a half hour or so and take a nice jog in the crisp wintery air. I can see it now!

Last night we watched the new show "Hoarders" on A&E. Disturbing. I don't think I can watch another one. I kept wondering how one person can accumulate so much worthless junk, never clean it up or let go of it, never admit there is a deep-seated problem. It's such a fascinating illness, and so sad. This one woman had a 2000 sq foot home and had filled it almost top to bottom with "bargains" and crap. She placed an oversized level of emotional value on "things." Another guy had a teensy little studio apartment which he had filled mostly with actual garbage -- pizza boxes and soda cups, etc. The floor was not visible. They had to use a big shovel to clean it out.

The worst was the food hoarder though, who looked to also be a fledgling cat hoarder, too. A whole house full of spoiled food and cat shit. Glad I watched that one on a tiny box on my computer screen and not in HDTV in the living room.

It makes me wonder if this illness is unique to Americans, or to countries where people live in relative comfort and with access to so many material goods. Probably not. Even in this country, both the rich and the impoverished can become hoarders. It's an external manifestation of an internal psychological problem -- the chaos inside demonstrated outwardly with a completely chaotic living space. And it's also one of the hardest disorders to treat and cure.

Watching that show makes me want to clean house. I love having a tidy home. I'm not OCD about it (I guess the other end of the spectrum from hoarding), I don't vacuum the ceilings or anything, but I do like to have things put away where they go and wake up to an empty kitchen sink. Not easy when you have the schedule I do and are also pregnant. My hormones are clamoring for me to nest. Pretty soon I probably will be vacuuming the ceilings, and washing the baseboards, and dusting everything.

Speaking of nesting, the baby's dresser arrives today, as well as the new switch plates I ordered for some of the light switches. Still need to re-do the closet in her room, and finish the guest room, install new lighting fixture in there, decorate the shade for the lamp in the nursery, etc etc. Busy busy bzz bzz.

It's been almost exactly one year since we drugged the cats, shoved them in carriers, and started the drive away from San Francisco to our new home. It's crazy that it has gone by so quickly. But my days of being a housewife do feel very far away now.

I remember waking up around 8 or so every morning, slowly wandering around the house, making coffee and breakfast, watching TV, cleaning, dicking around online, going for long walks listening to books on tape, not spending any money, and secretly panicking about WTF I was going to do when it came time to look for a new job.

I knew my sabbatical would be temporary -- unless I got pregnant, which I of course did not -- so I knew I should savor my six months of freedom. I did get a lot of writing done, but not nearly enough.

I wish I had used the time to learn more creative cooking/recipes. Oh well.

It seems like a lot of the commercials on TV today for prescription drugs are about fixing guys' malfunctioning dicks. They pee constantly, they can't get it up, they can't keep it up, etc. Is this some kind of national epidemic of the penis? And do we really need to see this shit all day long? ugh.

And now I present: The Three Reasons Why You Should Use Rubber Gloves When Washing Dishes

1. It saves your hands from dry skin
2. You can make the water hotter, thus dishes cleaner
3. The rubber gives you better grip and makes it less likely that you'll drop something

You are very welcome.

It's Monday, which has become Clean The House Day for me. I just finished. I started by cleaning myself in the shower -- my hair was filthy. I got dressed. Drank coffee and ate breakfast.

Then I dusted everything, from light fixtures to picture frames. Started my laundry, made the bed. Cleaned and windexed the coffee table (it's glass). Used the dustbuster to spot-vacuum the furniture and small mats. Used the bigass upright vac to clean the carpets. Swept floors, scooped litter box, brought trash and recycling cans up from the curb. Washed breakfast dishes, wiped counters and stove. Heated up lunch for Brian. What's next: grocery shopping.

Brian is in the office, working. He got a new phone this weekend which he loves -- he exchanged the Treo for a Blackberry. The new Treos force you to use Outlook, which he hates. So far the Blackberry seems pretty cool, and not only was it cheaper, it's actually over two ounces lighter than his old phone.

I think the telecommuting transition has gone well. He is able to pretty much do everything he did before except for go out for coffee/lunch with his friends/underlings. They will have a chance to reconnect in two weeks. I'll be here, doing lord knows what. Forcing myself to write, I hope. I should get my bike fixed and tuned by then so I can go riding.

So I am curious about people's opinions on something.

Since I left my job and became a stay at home wife, I have voluntarily taken charge of almost all of the cooking, cleaning, and household errands and chores. There are several reasons for this: I don't mind doing it; I need things to occupy my time anyway; and I am now somewhat dependent on Brian for money (I have a pretty big balance in my savings account, but that is for the House and not to be touched).

That said, is it "fair" for me to be doing all the housework etc? I am not complaining, just curious what people think. Brian is working hard for his company, albeit remotely. I think I would feel guilty to ask him to clean the house, too, for some reason.

When I was still working, I still cooked dinner most of the time, but we shared housework fairly equally (though I always washed and changed the bedding, but whatever).

Another important factor: while we live here, at my father's house, we are not paying any rent. We will pay for utilities and food and so on, but not having to pay that extra $1850 a month is a big help. There was a brief period when we thought Brian might quit his job and just look for something in Seattle, in which case we might both be unemployed, which I think would mean me expecting him to pitch in more. Hmm.

Poll #1058772
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 14

Is it "fair" for me to take on the cooking and other chores while I'm not bringing in any income?

Anyway. Time for sleep. Goodnight.

Sun came out this morning. I rose around 8am, fed the cats, and got dressed. Out the door and to the car, which was encased in beads of water, leftover rain from the night before. I drove down the hill to the market to buy groceries. On the way, I saw a spectacular view of the Olympic range, reflecting the morning sun, lined up on the horizon beyond the trees. It was actually kind of moving to me. Mountains = home.

I spent some time at the store, pushing the cart around and looking at my list and figuring out where everything is. When I got home, Brian was up and had made coffee. I poured a cup, then put groceries away and cleaned out the fridge (my dad told me to get rid of any of the perishables in there that I didn't want). Made breakfast: yogurt and granola with bananas and strawberries.

A bit later, Brian decided to take a break and go for a run. While he was out, I vacuumed the house and swept the bathrooms. Then I finished entering names into my new phone. I made our lunch after he got back: morningstar chik patties, rice, and baby carrots.

Went to the drug store to get a dish rack, dish soap, sponges, and some $1.88 halloween candy. Bought stamps for cell phone rebates. Came home washed a bunch of dishes, then thought about taking a nap but instead took a walk. When I got back I uploaded some pictures and then lay on the sofa with a slight tummyache. No more baby carrots. Bleah. I prefer the real ones.

Brian just suggested we go out tonight. I said okay. We'll go downtown and find a nice place to eat dinner. I reminded him that I just bought four bags of groceries, so let's not make a habit of eating out.

This is our first full day here by ourselves, finding our routine. I can't clean the house every day, can I. So I am going to have to start writing again soon.

I've received two letters here already, from two good friends: a notecard and watercolor/ink drawing from Ert and a thank you card from Claire. Thanks you guys! I am hoping I don't feel too alone out here, though I have my husband and cats.

My dad and Louise left this morning on their long trek to Arizona in the motorhome. So we are alone now. Brian is setting up his workstation in the office. I made a small dinner of canned soup and a sliced apple. Need to buy groceries tomorrow. It's raining hard and a huge clap of thunder startled the kitties a few minutes ago. Ah, home.

I started the dishwasher, though I am opposed to dishwashers in general. I may buy a dish rack tomorrow. I just feel like dishes are cleaner when hand washed, and washing a small number of dishes takes 10 minutes, while the dishwasher runs for forty.

The cats are so happy to be out of the bedroom. Both are napping out here with me now. Simon's on the couch, facing the fireplace, blissful.

I think I will feel truly relaxed when the movers have delivered all of our stuff.

This is my first official day of unemployment freedom. The sun is out, it's a bit breezy. I am only now getting around to my first coffee. I have a to-do list in front of me: grocery shopping, post office, call employee services to ask about loose ends. And of course, writing. And reading. The John Gardner book I started yesterday is really good, and it's telling me that I am already doing a lot right.

I started my day with a ninety-minute yoga class at the bikram place a few blocks away. I signed up for their $30 for 30 days deal. Little do they know I'll be in WA by the time it expires. I have done yoga before, but not in a heated room. Midway through, the sweat was literally pouring off of me. I've never seen anything like it outside of an actual sauna. A droplet of it rolled into my eye. Need to find my old sweatband. I will look so cool.

Got up early this morning, couldn't sleep. I went for a 40-minute walk around the neighborhood, catching up on podcasts. Came home and realized we are very low on food, so ended up making vegetarian chik patties for breakfast. Mmmm. TVP.

Watched two episodes of "Mad Men." It's brilliant and addictive. Everyone's so dissatisfied! The attention to detail is magnificent. It's like the opposite of "Happy Days" -- possibly the most anachronistic period television in history.

Brian is cleaning up in his office. I am trying to talk him out of throwing out a bag of perfectly good practically new dress shirts.

Headed downtown now to meet up with a couple of girlfriends.